Pardon the title, I got it from an article on the latest issue of Metro that I found rather amusing. And funny. It’s under the Metro man section and is called What every girl should know by Chris Cruz. I may not fit the typical guy role but I have to admit these things are quite true. Here’s the ten Guy Rules that caught my attention and made my day.
10. The Faltermeyer Beer Scale: During the office Christmas party, a man and a woman who was formerly just a photocopier down on the fifth floor or the boss’ personal secretary can have wild, mind-blowing sex as long as they were both drunk beyond all sanity. Simply put, the more beers a man has to consume in order to get it on, the less appealing the female is.
9. If it feels itchy, it will be scratched. Men do that. Women have poise, men have porpoise, erm, purpose. That’s why men sit with spread legs and make adjustments to their waterworks when it gets uncomfortable.
8. Men believe that “Yes”, “No” and “I’m fine” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Men say what they mean most of the time. Women shouldn’t try to overanalyze the nuances and inflections of it.
7. Just as dogs and cows are colorblind, all men see in only 16 colors, just like old Windows default settings. To a man, red, green and blue are colors. Mango, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Periwinkle sounds naughty and British.
6. Men do not ask for directions. A man admitting he is lost is like being a Korean tourist in Swaziland. We don’t like showing weakness. If a woman is present, she should ask directions from the security guard while the man stands there with furrowed brows, trying to figure out what direction to go while holding on to what little shreds of dignity he still possesses.
5. Anything a man said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days. Men have short memories about these things, because the male brain is filled with vastly more important things such as basketball scores, PS3 cheat codes and quotes from Bruce Campbell’s Army of Darkness.
4. Most guys feel helpless when a woman brings on the tears. Men can change a tire, fix a leaky faucet, or defrag a hard disk. Guys cannot figure out how to make women stop crying. Men will just stand there looking like idiots and they don’t like that.
3. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing (both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.) For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod or eyebrow lift is enough (winking is not okay). Ideally, a man chooses a urinal at least one space away from another urinating man. If circumstances force two men to urinate beside each other, they must ignore each other completely unless one guy is watering the other guy’s shoe with Mountain Dew.
2. Men don’t kiss other men. It’s acceptable only in a moment of weakness such as in Lord of the Rings, when Aragorn gave Boromir a wet, hairy one before heading to that big Ramones concert in the sky. Beso-beso is a big effin’ no-no.
And the top Guy Rule out there that ladies should know?
1. Men may cry in the following circumstances: 30 seconds after agreeing to watch Brokeback Mountain with a hot date, wrapping their dad’s car around a lamppost, the instant Megan Fox unhooks her bra.
So what do you think? Agree? Hehe… 😀